Today I wore flowers around my fingers, moons around my wrists and ribbons around my ankles, with a long swishy skirt and curls in my hair. I went to a fairy party and all of the pint sized fairies running around made me happy.

Today, my favourite word is reverie- absentminded dreaming while awake.. ♥



Stay beautiful..

I feel like this post is going to be a bit all over the place. But thats okay, isn't it?

So, today I had a little bit of an epiphany, I guess. I realised just how much I've changed in an unbelievably short time. I realised that I can hardly even recognise myself. But that I kinda like it. I've discovered a side of myself that I never knew existed. It's interesting I guess.
I'm starting to really enjoy the freedom I've had since school finished. I've met quite a few interesting people, now that I'm actually out in the world doing something. One thing I absolutely love- hearing people's stories.

So I've decided that I'm getting creative. My best friend's birthday is coming up soon and shes just like me, she loves quirky, creative handmade things so I'm inventing something that I hope she'll love.

The top and bottom photos are from my wall. I've stuck some things I've made, some quotes and just some things that make me smile up. I like it.

Another favourite quote of the moment- 'No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky' - Bob Dylan

A quote from one of the most wonderful books, The Five People You Meet In Heaven By Mitch Albom-

'Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves'

I think I'm starting to learn this.

From a letter..

'Well, here we are again. It's been some time, but I hope this finds you in good health and spirits... One thought I've been pondering on alot- you probably won't remember the day, but I do. You took my hand and told me it was going to be okay. I believed you then. I wish you were here right now... It's still raining here, although it's the time of year that usually brings sunshine and warmth. But it's okay, I quite like the rain. I believe if you let it, it can wash away all the bad things...  I guess thats all for now. I hope my dear friend, that you are doing well, that the sun is shining wherever you are and that you can always find a reason to smile'

I see the magic. I believe, but I wish it would stay around for longer sometimes. Because sometimes those brief glimpses arent enough.

And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call, someone we love, someone we've lost, for reasons we can't quite recall..
I keep listening to this one line of a song and it makes me think. I know this time of year is one for being grateful and forgiveness but I can't seem to bring myself to forgive. Maybe next year. It's pathetic, I know. I can't even forgive myself, so how can I expect to forgive others?.. Maybe it will all just sort itself out? One can wish.

I'm not sure if this all makes sense. It's late, I'm lacking in sleep and I feel ick. It just felt like something I needed to get off my chest.

On repeat- Maybe This Christmas- Ron Sexsmith

Tonight is the night that we go to school, to have dinner with our teachers and parents to celebrate the ending of our time at school, and all our achievements. It's a formal affair so I'm looking forward to seeing eveybody in their suits and dresses. It should be a good night. As for today, I'm going to get my nails, hair and makeup done. I'm looking forward to it, I could do with a nice relaxing day I think. Might put some photos up, so stay tuned!

Things are looking up, I can see the magic happening again.

My world is crumbling down around me. Everywhere I look I see broken- in relationships, friendships, families, the mirror. I can handle my own problems, but I hate seeing people I love this way. I still don't know what I can do to help though, and I hate it.

As much as I don't want to, as much as I try, I miss you. And it hurts like hell.

Just a big bundle of emotions right now. I guess the major one is worry. Guilt's chucked in there too along with frustration. Theres so much happening at the moment, and I don't know what to do about a single thing. In some situations, I just can't do anything and I know that. But with some other stuff thats happening, I know I could do something at least. And I'm feeling bad that I'm not doing anything. And that makes me angry. One thing I've been thinking about alot. Just one moment, and one sentence. Tears running down my face as I said something that I didn't think I'd ever share. That feeling. And I think it's changed everything..

One memory- laying, watching the silhouettes dance around, the dim light behind them making the movements seem less defined, as though the shapes were nothing of substance, just fragile souls that could be gone with a blink of an eye. I guess I didn't realise at that moment just how true it was.. I blinked and just like that, it was gone and the only thing that remained was the memory of it, vague as though it all could have just been a beautiful dream.

It's storming. Which of course is the best weather. Right now I'm sitting in the semi dark listening to the thunder. It's amazing.

I've been thinking so much lately. Seems as though it's all that I do. Lots of things need to be sorted out. And they will be. I've learned lately that we need the bad times to appreciate the good. It's the only way that things can remain in perspective. I guess thats all for today.

On repeat- Fast Car- Both the Tracy Chapman original and the Mutya Buena cover.

'And I had a feeling that I belonged

And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone'

Wish I could be brave enough to take that leap. I'm trying. Guess that's all I can do.

I feel like a gypsy today. I'm wearing a big long skirt with pretty patterns all over it and wearing about a thousand bangles, so everytime I move, I jingle. I like it.. I should be studying, I know. But theres major procrastination in process. I'm on the home stretch now, only one exam left. And then, that is officially the end of my school days. It still hasn't sunk in, and I try not to think about it because it's so scary and exciting, all at the same time. I kinda miss the place already, and I'm there almost every day studying (I never thought I would see the day when I would say that I'm missing school!). Oh well, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Hopefully I will get the score I need to get into University and then I can start saving the world. :)

This is one of my all time favourite quotes. I have it on my bedroom wall and read it everyday just to remind me. It keeps me inspired..

'Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero.'

-Brian Andreas

Yesterday was a tough day. The darkness came back and boy, did it make it's presence known. All day, it was just horrible. Then last night, I went to babysit two of my nieces. It was a night full of Toy Story, Dr Seuss, giggling and the never ending excuses to delay bedtime by any means. It was exacty what I needed. It reminded me again how those little people can bring the light back into my life like nothing else can. It's a special kind of magic that only exists in the warmth of a hug or a cheeky grin from a small child. It has the ability to make everything feel better.

I once came across a girl. She was standing in the middle of a lonely field, holding flower petals in her hand and bearing a large feather in her hair. Wearing a white dress that flowed in the breeze, she whispered words that I couldn't quite understand but felt that they were very significant just the same. I don't think I'll ever forget her. She represented beauty and contentment and freedom- all the things I'm not you see. I hope one day, maybe, just maybe I'll find her again and see that we are truly not that different after all.

I'm caught at a crossroads, somewhere between an ending and a beginning and I'm not sure where to turn.