Dear 2010,

What can I say to you? You definitely took me on a rollercoaster ride. Up and down, constantly.
There were the good times and the bad. You saw me take a massive step to try and change some things, you saw when that didn't turn out so well. You saw my best, most fun and favourite year at school, you saw me graduate and recieve the marks that reflected the work I put in. You saw my darling nieces and nehpews grow up so quickly, with one of my beautiful girls graduating from kinder ready to start school next year. You saw me alot grow closer to some people, grow apart from others. You saw me discovering myself- finding who I am, what I love and what I aspire to be. You saw me become that little less shy. You brought heartache, sadness, joy and many shocks, as well as countless moments that just took my breath away. At times you simply flew by, and at times time seemed to go extra slow. I know that I'm going to miss you alot, but I'm all too excited for what the future will hold.

Thankyou for it all.

Love, Emily

I was all very excited for Christmas, but the happenings of this morning have definitely put a damper on it.

This morning, bright and early I was on my way up to the shops to finish my Christmas shopping. I was walking to the bus stop and a lady stopped me and asked if I had heard anything last night. She started to get extremely upset so I stayed with her. It turns out somebody had attacked her dog last night. I'm not going to go into details, but it was simply horrifying.
She had been on my thoughts all day and so I made her up a bunch of brownies and chocolates to take to her. We were chatting to our neighbour and when he heard what had happened, he cut some beautiful flowers from his garden for me to take to her. I wanted to make sure she knew that people cared, especially at this time of year.
When I went back, she was still very upset. The dog is still being operated on so there is no news. My heart just went out to her, I gave her a hug and didn't want to let go. It is so disgustingly awful that somebody could do this to a harmless creature. It just makes me sick.
I hope they get caught and thrown in jail.

Waiting for something to restore my faith in humans.

On repeat- Release Me- Oh Laura ♥

Well, yesterday being Christmas eve, eve, eve me and my sister had another attempt at making a Gingerbread House. We have been trying for three years in a row to get a house. The first year, our gingerbread was too thin so the house wouldnt even stand and then last year, our roof was way too heavy for the walls so it just kept sliding off. But, I am extremely pleased to announce that this year we finally got a house that is both standing, and has a roof! The decorating is not the best, but see for yourself-

 Being propped up by anything we could grab out of the pantry!

The finished result.

We were so extremely impressed with ourselves, that we at last got an unpstanding house. It is living at my sisters house and I havent spoken to her today yet, so hopefully it is still in one piece today!

Only two days left! :)

Bubbles under my Christmas Lights.. It looked magical..



'Get your head out of the clouds' they tell me. But, sometimes I just don't want to. I'd rather stay in the clouds. I feel safe there. It is my way of hiding from the very reality of life. It's not wise, it's unreasonable. Sooner or late it will all catch up with me no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I know this. Yet, we all are unreasonable creatures at times arent we..

It's still so cold! It rained all day.
I had a big discussion with my niece about Santa today. It was pretty cute. I remember when I still believed.. Oh, anything for that innocence.

Hoping your still seeing the beauty, finding a reason to smile..

I think the weather is confused. It is supposed to be Summer, you know, sun and hot, wearing dresses shorts and skirts. Instead all we've had is more rain and cold, wearing trackies and hoodies and ugg boots. What's with that?
I'm changing. I'm starting to learn to appreciate what I do have, rather than pondering on what I don't. Especially at this time of year. I absolutely hate how it's become about the material things. To me, Christmas will always be about giving. About helping those that are less fortunate and doing my bit to bring 'peace and goodwill' to all. I wish I could be doing more, but I just don't have time. Next year, I'm definitely planning on throwing myself much more into the community, and assisting where it is needed. But I'm very appreciative of the fact that I'm in a position that allows me to help others this Christmas.
So many people of my age are in the same position, to be able to go and volunteer as I do at a welfare centre for just a few hours a week. But they don't. Some people see poverty and injustice, even on a small scale happening all around them and yet do nothing about it. And it makes me sad.

I'm in a very Simon and Garfunkel mood. I like it.

Those photos are coming soon, my computer is being extremely difficult tonight.

On repeat- April Come She Will- Simon and Garfunkel.

Wow.
Firstly, Happy Birthday to both one of my very best friends and one of my big sisters. :)

Second, I did get my results on Monday. They were meant to come at seven in the morning via text message, and of course, mine came late at 7.30! Most anxious half an hour of my life I reckon.
And I must say, I'm absolutely thrilled with them! I was expecting a much, much lower score than I got and its made it all worth it. I'm hoping that it will allow me to get into my dream Uni course, I'm a few points below but I'm hoping to get in on the fringe, so fingers crossed!

I havent really slept at all this week, what with the waiting for results, crafting half the night, sleepovers and many early starts! I think it's just caught up with me this afternoon, I've got a bit of a headache and my body is just aching all over. I'm planning on curling up on the couch this evening under my Christmas lights and reading my old copies of Frankie. The new one came out today but I havent had the chance to get it! So, the old ones will do me for now.

I will post some more photos soon, I've been so busy that I havent had a chance to upload them, but I did get some beautiful ones of the sky the other night, so stay tuned!

My results come tomorrow. At seven in the morning to be exact.
Im so scared. Ive had permanent butterflies this whole afternoon.

I'm watching P.S I Love You.. ♥

Of course I'm crying my eyes out.

I'm such a hopeless romantic.
Today, I walked past a Laundromat and through the window I saw a guy sitting by himself, reading a classic novel.
It melted my heart.

Stay beautiful, stay kind..

One of the most hectic weeks I've had in a while. Feels like I've been all over the place.
Happy, sad, terrified, horrified, guilty, among many others. It was exhausting.

I'm losing contact with a few of my friends, which makes me kinda sad. But, as we sat on the beach a few weeks back pondering how we got to where we are, where we are going from here, we predicted who wasnt going to bother and we got it spot on.
The important ones will stay and thats all that matters.

Today I'm just happy with my own company. I like solitude.

Still learning how to grow my wings. Soon enough, I'm not only going to fly, I'll soar.

Soon it unfolds who we are, in this masquerade of stars..

In the need of some inspiration. Both to keep, and to pass along to somebody else who needs it.

I feel like such a hypocrite, giving advice against the very things I do myself. But what else could I do?

It's all about being broken, and then picking up all the pieces and doing whatever we can to make them fit together again. But sometimes it isn't enough.

I'm seeing this more than ever. All I can do is try to help.

It's only 18 day until Christmas. This is making me happy.

It's only 6 days until we get our results. This is not.

I still wonder why this just reduces me to nothing. It's aways both sudden and devastating.
It's not as easy as it looks. Oh how I wish it was.
I guess you could say I have a touch of the melancholies today. But I'm sure it will be better soon.

Today I'm wearing a big lace bow in my hair. I like it.
I feel like writing letters, but I dont have anybody to write to. I wish I had a penpal.
Maybe I will go and lay in the grass and watch clouds. Dream of places far, far away.

Do you know her?
She is the one with the flyaway hair, the one who sometimes stumbles around as if her world is spinning.
She thinks alot about everything.
She likes to take her time in life, smelling the roses and appreciating the little things.
She is sad, but tries her hardest not to be.

Today I brought a dress, which I'm planning on wearing to my nieces' joint birthday party tomorrow. Charlotte turned five yesterday and Sophie, one of my other nieces is turning two on the 19th, but because it is so close to Christmas, my sister is giving them both a party tomorrow. I must say, I absolutely love the dress, it has a zip right down the front, is the most perfect shade of pink and I absolutely adore the lace on the front. It was a bargain too, which just makes it that much better! See here-

Sorry about the shoddy quality of the photo, it makes it really hard to see, but I assure you, it is very nice.

In a way, I'm also dreading tomorrow a bit. These parties are somewhat nightmarish- I have to encounter someone that helped to destroy the girl I used to be. Usually my best friend, being part of our family now, comes along and is there for moral support, ensuring that I don't absolutely breakdown. But shes not going to be there this time. I'm going it alone. I just hope I'm strong enough. That's all.

Lets just pray the sun keeps shining and the birds keep singing.

In an extremely odd mood right now.
I couldn't describe how I'm feeling. It's quite peculiar. I still haven't decided whether it's good or bad. Strange..
I guess this is a very pointless post.
I know what I want to say, I just can't seem to be able to put it into words right now.

Dreaming of gardens with beautiful, fragrant flowers with deep rich colours, trees that are as old as the sun and hidden safe, little nooks that could hide you away for a thousand years.

PS. Happy Birthday to my beautiful niece Charlotte. Shes five today and I simply can't believe it. Where have the years gone?

Today I wore flowers around my fingers, moons around my wrists and ribbons around my ankles, with a long swishy skirt and curls in my hair. I went to a fairy party and all of the pint sized fairies running around made me happy.

Today, my favourite word is reverie- absentminded dreaming while awake.. ♥



Stay beautiful..

I feel like this post is going to be a bit all over the place. But thats okay, isn't it?

So, today I had a little bit of an epiphany, I guess. I realised just how much I've changed in an unbelievably short time. I realised that I can hardly even recognise myself. But that I kinda like it. I've discovered a side of myself that I never knew existed. It's interesting I guess.
I'm starting to really enjoy the freedom I've had since school finished. I've met quite a few interesting people, now that I'm actually out in the world doing something. One thing I absolutely love- hearing people's stories.

So I've decided that I'm getting creative. My best friend's birthday is coming up soon and shes just like me, she loves quirky, creative handmade things so I'm inventing something that I hope she'll love.

The top and bottom photos are from my wall. I've stuck some things I've made, some quotes and just some things that make me smile up. I like it.

Another favourite quote of the moment- 'No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky' - Bob Dylan

A quote from one of the most wonderful books, The Five People You Meet In Heaven By Mitch Albom-

'Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves'

I think I'm starting to learn this.

From a letter..

'Well, here we are again. It's been some time, but I hope this finds you in good health and spirits... One thought I've been pondering on alot- you probably won't remember the day, but I do. You took my hand and told me it was going to be okay. I believed you then. I wish you were here right now... It's still raining here, although it's the time of year that usually brings sunshine and warmth. But it's okay, I quite like the rain. I believe if you let it, it can wash away all the bad things...  I guess thats all for now. I hope my dear friend, that you are doing well, that the sun is shining wherever you are and that you can always find a reason to smile'

I see the magic. I believe, but I wish it would stay around for longer sometimes. Because sometimes those brief glimpses arent enough.

And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call, someone we love, someone we've lost, for reasons we can't quite recall..
I keep listening to this one line of a song and it makes me think. I know this time of year is one for being grateful and forgiveness but I can't seem to bring myself to forgive. Maybe next year. It's pathetic, I know. I can't even forgive myself, so how can I expect to forgive others?.. Maybe it will all just sort itself out? One can wish.

I'm not sure if this all makes sense. It's late, I'm lacking in sleep and I feel ick. It just felt like something I needed to get off my chest.

On repeat- Maybe This Christmas- Ron Sexsmith

Tonight is the night that we go to school, to have dinner with our teachers and parents to celebrate the ending of our time at school, and all our achievements. It's a formal affair so I'm looking forward to seeing eveybody in their suits and dresses. It should be a good night. As for today, I'm going to get my nails, hair and makeup done. I'm looking forward to it, I could do with a nice relaxing day I think. Might put some photos up, so stay tuned!

Things are looking up, I can see the magic happening again.

My world is crumbling down around me. Everywhere I look I see broken- in relationships, friendships, families, the mirror. I can handle my own problems, but I hate seeing people I love this way. I still don't know what I can do to help though, and I hate it.

As much as I don't want to, as much as I try, I miss you. And it hurts like hell.

Just a big bundle of emotions right now. I guess the major one is worry. Guilt's chucked in there too along with frustration. Theres so much happening at the moment, and I don't know what to do about a single thing. In some situations, I just can't do anything and I know that. But with some other stuff thats happening, I know I could do something at least. And I'm feeling bad that I'm not doing anything. And that makes me angry. One thing I've been thinking about alot. Just one moment, and one sentence. Tears running down my face as I said something that I didn't think I'd ever share. That feeling. And I think it's changed everything..

One memory- laying, watching the silhouettes dance around, the dim light behind them making the movements seem less defined, as though the shapes were nothing of substance, just fragile souls that could be gone with a blink of an eye. I guess I didn't realise at that moment just how true it was.. I blinked and just like that, it was gone and the only thing that remained was the memory of it, vague as though it all could have just been a beautiful dream.

It's storming. Which of course is the best weather. Right now I'm sitting in the semi dark listening to the thunder. It's amazing.

I've been thinking so much lately. Seems as though it's all that I do. Lots of things need to be sorted out. And they will be. I've learned lately that we need the bad times to appreciate the good. It's the only way that things can remain in perspective. I guess thats all for today.

On repeat- Fast Car- Both the Tracy Chapman original and the Mutya Buena cover.

'And I had a feeling that I belonged

And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone'

Wish I could be brave enough to take that leap. I'm trying. Guess that's all I can do.

I feel like a gypsy today. I'm wearing a big long skirt with pretty patterns all over it and wearing about a thousand bangles, so everytime I move, I jingle. I like it.. I should be studying, I know. But theres major procrastination in process. I'm on the home stretch now, only one exam left. And then, that is officially the end of my school days. It still hasn't sunk in, and I try not to think about it because it's so scary and exciting, all at the same time. I kinda miss the place already, and I'm there almost every day studying (I never thought I would see the day when I would say that I'm missing school!). Oh well, I'm moving on to bigger and better things. Hopefully I will get the score I need to get into University and then I can start saving the world. :)

This is one of my all time favourite quotes. I have it on my bedroom wall and read it everyday just to remind me. It keeps me inspired..

'Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero.'

-Brian Andreas

Yesterday was a tough day. The darkness came back and boy, did it make it's presence known. All day, it was just horrible. Then last night, I went to babysit two of my nieces. It was a night full of Toy Story, Dr Seuss, giggling and the never ending excuses to delay bedtime by any means. It was exacty what I needed. It reminded me again how those little people can bring the light back into my life like nothing else can. It's a special kind of magic that only exists in the warmth of a hug or a cheeky grin from a small child. It has the ability to make everything feel better.

I once came across a girl. She was standing in the middle of a lonely field, holding flower petals in her hand and bearing a large feather in her hair. Wearing a white dress that flowed in the breeze, she whispered words that I couldn't quite understand but felt that they were very significant just the same. I don't think I'll ever forget her. She represented beauty and contentment and freedom- all the things I'm not you see. I hope one day, maybe, just maybe I'll find her again and see that we are truly not that different after all.

I'm caught at a crossroads, somewhere between an ending and a beginning and I'm not sure where to turn.

From a letter..

'... It's that time of day where the flowers curl back into themselves.Why do they do that? I've always wondered why. I like to think that it's their way of protecting themsleves from the darkness of the night, their way of just turning off. Sometimes I wish I could do that too. Curl up and be safe until the light of the morning. Unfortunately, dear friend, the mind cannot be turned off so I am not safe... I'm laying amongst the green grass, feeling the light breeze and the last of the days sun shine on my back. It has been a wonderful spring day and I only wish that you were here to share it with me... Sometimes I run out of words and sometimes I don't know how to feel. I'm scared... I don't want to remember but I'm not sure how not too. I guess, my whimsical friend, I am just melancholy...'

Words on a page..

'One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live for ever and ever and ever. One knows it sometimes when one gets up at the tender, solemn dawn-time and goes out and stands alone and throws one's head far back and looks up and up and watches the pale sky slowly changing and flushing and marvellous unknown things happening until the East almost makes one cry out and one's heart stands still at the strange, unchanging majesty of the rising of the sun- which has been happening every morning for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. One knows it then for a moment or so. And one knows it sometimes when one stands by oneself in a wood at sunset and the mysterious deep gold stillness slanting through and under the branches seems to be saying slowly again and again something one cannot quite hear, however much one tries. Then sometimes the immense quiet of the dark-blue at night with millions of stars waiting and watching makes one sure; and sometimes a sound far-off music makes it true; and sometimes a look in someone's eyes'

-The Secret Garden..

Sometimes things happen that really puts your own life into perspective.
This has happened to me recently, the tragic loss of someone I know, an encounter with someone I despise, that absolutely broke my heart, and then encountering that person again.. All in all, it has not been that nice.
So, what am I going to do about it?
I've decided that life is way too short for regrets, and that we don't appreciate the people and the things around us nearly as much as we ought too.
So, in saying that, I'm on a journey, I'm determined to discover the beauty absolutely everyday of my life. It may be something I've seen, heard or read about, a song, a person, a good thing.
I'm going to start appreciating the things that I'm not usually thankful for.
And so, my very first beautiful thing-
Today, it was something that happened to me.I was driving with my sister and we were out in fairly plain land, surrounded by fields and the sort. We drove past a paddock that had one single white horse in it. And for one second, the tiniest of moments, I thought that the horse had a horn on it's head. When I looked back, obviously it didn't. But, in that one moment it felt like magic did exist, that the things I used to believe in- the fairies, pixies and elves, were real again.
And  you know what?
It truly was beautiful.

Shaking off the melancholies.
Thats all there is to it.

I've been in such a woe-is-me mood lately. I don't particularly like that at all and it's not what I'm usually like. It's annoying and I know it has to be me to do something about it. Sure, theres going to be bad days, but you just have to fight through them. That's all.
:)

Is the sky really the limit?
I'm not sure. Sometimes I wish I could find an enchanted forest, with tiny little creatures that would care and look after me and I could just drift away. I wish for an escape at the very least. But I know that everybody does at times. I see the lines that I created myself and they make me sad. Sometimes I just think that I'm literally falling apart, being held together only by the tiniest of threads. What will happen when that eventualy snaps? I wish I could make it stronger, but I just cant seem to be able to find a needle or more thread anywhere I look. Sometimes it's like those lines define me. Sometimes it's like I let them.


Listening To- Running Up That Hill- Placebo

This one goes out to my awesomely awesome friend Erica.
Because I know shes a little sad at the moment, which she has every right to be.
But I just want her to know that I'm here and that I love her
And that we will drink coffee and hot chocolate that will make us feel warm and fuzzy inside
And possibly find some birds- either to laugh at when they are flying into windows and/or analyze their flying patterns to see if it means something significant.
Which of course it will- because when does a bird flying on it's own not represent inner turmoil?

:)

Because.
Because dreaming is beautiful.
Because smiling can brighten up someones day.
Because I want to be break free of this cage.
Because I'm so worried about them.
Because all I want is to just put a big bandaid on the world to take away the hurt.
Because I just want somebody to hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay.
Because the sun shines a little brighter but I'm stuck in the dark.
Because I just want to have that hope.

The sun looked really pretty coming in last night and making patterns on the walls. I like the way it made the shapes of the photos I have hanging up. I love the fact that Spring is finally starting to set in, I love those days that are so sunny and nice. It reminds me of Summer and iced tea and dresses and sunglasses and late nights and driving and being free.

Listening to- Cartwheels- The Reindeer Section

Just because I love supermarkets.

My pictures look really bad quality. Not so sure why..

So here I am. Still trying to get it all under control. Right now, I'm procrastinating to the max. I should be busily planning and preparing for my Literature SAC tomorrow, but instead here I am, writing a fairly pointless blog and following the incredibly immature but also incredibly amsuing Facebook fight. Oh well, I guess you get that. After this week is over I will be so happy. All of my school assessed courseworks will be over! forever! woohoo. But that also means that the dreaded end of year exams are looming closer and closer. These holidays will be study, study, study. But thats okay. I just need to learn to not stress as much as I tend to do and come November 10, my last exam will be over and I will be officially finished my school years. Heres to that.

Listening to- Poison In Your Mind- Powderfinger. Only one of my most favourtie songs ever...

I 've been trying to figure out what's happening. I am not sure what's wrong with me. I have a suspicison as to what the problem may be, but I am really, truly hoping that it isn't the case. I just feel a bit down lately. I can't seem to get warm. I'm feeling very cold and kind of in the dark. Which is not a good sign. I'm also having a lot of trouble writing and making sense- it seems that everything I write lately makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Hopefully very soon I will be back to my usual, sense making, cheerful self.

Yum. Chai Tea. I've come to love it this winter and it seems to taste even better when it is in my favourite pink cow mug (a few years ago I went through an odd phase in which I was obsessed with cows. Particularly pink ones. I know, I know.. it's very odd) When I drink it now, it reminds me of warm. Being warm and all those warm memories. Late nights at home curled up by the heater and watching a movie, or after school homework sessions with my best friend in the art room at school, shoes off, lounging around, her drawing and me doing some sort of homework, drinking this fabulous tea.

This is what the first day of Spring looked like from my house. Instead of being outside enjoying the warmth, sunshine, new flowers and cute little baby ducks that Spring is meant to bring, I spent the day enjoying my cold, coughing, snuggling into my warm wooly scarf and trying to avoid the rain. Typical. But I guess I should appreciate it while it lasts. Soon enough I'll be complaining about the heat. This is why the in-between seasons are my favourite. Autumn and Spring- bring it on, I say.

People watching. I must say that it is one of my favourite ways to spend time. And I don't mean that in a creepy stalker way, I just like to watch people, wonder where they are going, why. I observe what people have in their shopping trollies in the supermarket, whether they are buying enough food to feed a small army or just enough to cook a dinner for one. I watch people who dress eccentrically or have outrageous coloured hair and I admire their bravery. To stand out so much in todays society- good on them. I wonder about the people who look sad, sometimes I want to go and give them a hug and tell them that it will get better. I wonder whether other people like to people-watch too, whether there are a whole group of these people-watchers. The ones who like to watch the world go by, observe others, complete strangers. Though not in a creepy stalker way.

Sometimes I see the world in black and white. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's not. I wish I wasn't one of those people that has to over-analyze every little thing. Oh how simple life would be if we could just let things go, make decisions easily and not be afraid of consequences.

In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first.

-Jimi Hendrix







I'm trying.

Rainy days. I love them, that is when I'm inside. Actually no, when I'm outside too. One of my favourite memories is one day when it was pouring rain, me my best friend held hands and while everybody else walked under cover, we just ran through it laughing. It was so invigorating.. Everybody else thought we were absolutely crazy, but it was fun. I also love rainy nights. Laying in bed, listening to the rain pounding on the roof. It's the best. Sometimes I don't want Winter to end..

Happiness. It should be simple, smile a lot, laugh, surround yourself with the things and the people that you love. Sounds simple in theory, sure. But in reality it is so much more difficult. Sometimes happiness can dance into our lives and set up camp, taking our hand and walking with us like an old and trusted friend. Sometimes it briefly rushes by us so quickly we wonder if it was really there in the first place. And sometimes it is nowhere to be found and we spend our days looking under beds and in dark and dusty corners to see if we can find at least a trace of it. We spend so much time trying to find things that are going to make us happy. But in the end, happiness is not caused by material things. It's caused by the small, simple joys in life; watching a sun rise, hearing the giggles of a baby, feeling the warmth of another hand in our own. We just have to remember that, and next time happiness tries to rush past us without stopping, grab it, hold on to it and say 'No. This time your here to stay'

Some days are good, some days are bad. We just need to grit our teeth and bear it. That's all. Easier said than done, sure. But this morning as I sat in Literature, looking out of the second story window at the faint outline of the city in one direction, the mountains in another, I felt extremely lucky. Sometimes all you need are little things to make you realise just how much you have.

RELOCATED!

Yes, I am here.
The blog has been relocated from:
www.overtherainbow8.blog.com

so now for the new adventures to begin..